3 dull miles, the junior fan club and some nudity

It is 8:20pm on a Saturday evening and I'm sat here pleasently tired because today, in the warm sun and slight humidity I managed to pull the tyres for 3 (yes THREE) miles, and in just under 2 hours 55 minutes.

As last time, I thought I'd take my phone and try live Twitter updates especially as I got 2 replies to the updates last time and hoped to receive more this time. I also felt it could be a pretty eventful 'drag'.

Wrong. I should have realised when it all started with the gates to the 'twitchers' driveway closed and there was no car. Horror of horrors, nothing to report about them. Then with no dogs or dog-walkers in sight I almost succumbed to a panic attack and wondered if the guy in New York was right; 'rapture' had been and gone and I was the only sinner left on the planet.

Fortunately I wasn't alone but, having heard the string of profanities from a dog walker into his mobile phone (bit like verbal 'projectile vomit' really) I suddenly wished I was alone .... or not a sinner.

It wasn't all bad but the first half mile, completed in just under 27 minutes, I had absolutely nothing to report on. In fact the highlight was that after my warm-up of jogging down the slope and back up again, jump-squats and some stretching my first tweet was "And we're off ... oh no hang on, tweak in the left knee (and I DID warm-up first). Right here we go." and that was it for the first 3/4 mile actually.

Oh for those of you reading this in 'European', 3/4 mile is 1.21km.

The final 1/4 of a mile was made more interesting by the group of youngsters using the 'tyre & rope' swing over the beck. I heard them from a few hundred yards away giggle and one said "What's he doing?". As I got closer one of them kept looking up at me as if wanting to say something but too shy. Well once I said hello to them that was it; questions were non-stop or, to be precise, the same question came from 3 different angles.

After a brief explanation I could see the inquisitive look in their eyes so I said "Do you want to have a go?" and the 3 girls lined up like girls at a Justin Beiber ticket-giveaway stall. I won't show all 3 photos (or in fact all 4 as they had a friend join them by the time I got to the 2 and 3/4 mile mark (Europeans, that's 4.43 kilometres) but here's one of them, setting off so fast she actually rammed one of the boys shoulder with the tyres. I don't know, women drivers ha ha. The pace didn't last for long though.

So apart from that there was only really the woman and her husband who were ever so lovely (tweet said "WHAT a lovely couple they were ... but no madam you can't sit on them for a ride", and the lovely dog-walker who had seen me once before but stopped to chat this time and offered to ask her boss if the company might want to support me (but admitted they were sadly making redundancies so actually it was unlikely)). The rest of the time I resorted to silly tweets such "Chemistry lesson - dogs can smell wee on a car tyre that's 3 weeks old. 'Penny' the dog just proved it!!" and swapping humorous texts with my boss (Mr V, put that table tennis bat down now) and with Lucia (as always).

And so 3 miles (Euro conversion is 4.83km) was done in a total of 2 hours 54 minutes and 51 seconds.

In the end I got home, pleased but tired and perspiring as if I had a tap permanently running on my head. It had been hard work and my harness felt even tighter than usual as evidenced (here's a topless photo ladies, stay calm) by the red lesion on the edge of my neck.

Oh well, we Polar expolers are going to have FAR more damage to our bodies than that to contend with, I'm sure !!!!

Later dude

Latest audience stats

It would seem my viewers have stabilised somewhat but it still makes interesting reading ... I think. New entries and changes since 24th April are in blue.

With 1 page viewing we STILL have: -
New Zealand
Spain
Netherlands
South Korea
Burkina Faso (still no idea; is that you 'Tex'?)

With 2 page viewings we have: -
Singapore (+1)

China (new entry)

India (new entry)
Iran

All on its own with 3 page viewings is: -

Denmark (new entry)

Still with 4 page viewings we have: -
Belgium (have I stopped being of interest?)
Vietnam
Russia

With 5 page viewings, all out there on its own we now have France (+1)

Topping that by one (that's 6 in total ... Maths not your strong point huh?) are: - 
Hungary
Australia (+4)

Jumping up to third with 12 page viewings is: -
Canada (+8)

Second in the charts remains the US of A with 249 (+101) and still at number 1 by a Romanian bricklayers hod (that one's for you Mr Vickers ha ha) is the UK with 1285 (+394) page views ...... evidently.

Well I found it interesting anyway. Good night

3rd drag; 'live' on Twitter

Oh inbetween my shoulders is gonna hurt tomorrow but I'm so excited that I've just finished TWO miles in two hours dragging my tyres : ))

I really didn't feel up for going this morning (I'd intended to sneak into the Park at dawn to avoid the 'twitchers' and poo-poo their planned BBQ - it's a war of attrition you know) but I decided instead just to chill-out and pester Lucia by text whilst loading the dishwasher, the washer (twice) and generally wake up so it had to be tomorrow or this evening.

I decided it should be today and that I'd take my mobile and tweet as I went. The following is a true account of what happened and has the tweets inserted into the paragraphs below. Enjoy.

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I got to the park just after 1705hrs and posted the following tweet "The gates of torture await ...."

I began with a few warm-up exercises to try to ensure no repeat of the Achilles issue from last time and, thankfully, no-one seemed to be watching.

Now as most of you know, the very start of my 'drags' are usually eventful; today's proved no exception. As before, today started with a dog and a dog walker.

I'd just carried the first tyre into the Park and was heading back to the car to grab the second one when I heard a noise behind me. I ignored it as dogs and owners are not an unusual sight in a park. As I brought the second tyre through the gates I saw a small dog (aren't they always the nosey ones) sniffing round the first tyre and thought please no, not again. But no this time the owner (a woman, who I later discovered was called Claire) came round the corner and saw the dog preparing to jump into the middle of one of the tyres. She said "No please don't go in there" whilst glancing nervously at me. I smiled and said it was okay; at least it wasn't like the dog last time who wee'd on the tyres.

Claire looked thoughful and finally said "What is it you're doing exactly?". I explained about the training and she visibly sighed in relief and we had a great discussion. At 1712hrs I posted the following tweet "Bless the lovely Claire for asking me if I was dumping tyres. 'I was worried I might get some grief from a young thug if I said too much".

Now before you jump to any conclusions, Claire seems between 38 and 42 years old I'd guess (hope that's not cruel) and had only seen my youthful legs disappear out of the park gates. We had a good chat and she took down my details as one of her neighbours had recently lost her husband to cancer and the inhabitants of leafy Park Lane in Rothwell had donated to Candlelighters in memory of him; it seemed fortuitous that I was wearing my Candlelighters t-shirt first (more about that later ... the paramedics say the woman will get over the trauma).

Anyway she said no promises but she would put a note through people's letterboxes and ask if they wanted to make a small donation which was great news. Thank you Claire for even thinking of doing so.

So I set off happily thinking about what a lovely offer that was and started to tweet when I suddenly HAD to add the following tweet; "Darn it !!! Too busy tweeting, not concentrating on poo-spotting. Yuk, need some wet-wipes : ( "

I posted a further summary of the conversation with Claire as I got to the half-mile mark and added this photo (Ben and Emma aka Diego and Dora, this is for you): -

Thank you so much to the three interested teenagers who took the photo on my iPhone and didn't run off with it. More about teenagers later !

So on I went and started the second half-mile. Of course it's uphill primarily so just one tweet for most of the return half-mile leg and then as I approached the end of the first mile at 1752hrs I added "End of first mile in sight - going for a second mile !! Four cars and a lit BBQ at the 'twitchers' house". Yes it was true, there really WAS a gathering of sorts across the road. How could I have missed it at the start??? Gladly they didn't appear so there were no opportunities to have to smile as I graciously filled up on over-cooked sausages that had probably fallen through the wiring and been cremated rather than BBQ'd.

Oh hang on, no maybe it's a garden fire; can't smell food whatsoever. Perhaps they've captured a tyre dumper and are ceremoniously burning him (or her ... we live in times of equality you know) in front of their friends from Alwoodley or even, gawd forbid, Adel !!

So yes I decided to do a second mile and had prepared for it by bringing my new Heart Research UK t-shirts with me. Quick change which brings us back to the paramedics - I couldn't help imagine some poor woman in her 70's unexpectedly catching a glimpse of my athletic frame (or is that 'pathetic' frame) so the tweet says it all I think; Quick swap out of Candlelighters t-shirt into Heart Reesearch UK t-shirt. Oops sorry madam ... don't worry sir, her fainting is quite normal"

Gladly no-one was watching that I'm aware of so no children with nightmares, no women fainting and no half-sighted pensioners calling the Museum of Natural History to say they'd seen the 'missing link'.

As I started my second mile I noticed lots of glances and guessed it wasn't my chic fashion that attracted the attention (red t-shirt and ginger .... sorry, 'strawberry blonde' hair did clash a little). One couple smiled warmly, a lady said hello and was happy to take a photo of me in the HRUK t-shirt (well she took 7 photos actually including one of the ground, one of her hand, two of my legs and the remainder of me in various poses trying to explain which button to press) and I also had some further attention.

At 1807hrs I tweeted "Two local chavs, imported from Middleton probably, enviously looking @ the tyres I'm dragging. Bet they've never pinched some off a person before". Now perhaps that was a little harsh; maybe they were just intrigued. Heck I would be !!!

On my way back up the hill one couple joked it would be easier if I fastened them to a car ("Bet you've heard that lots of times already ha ha" - well err no actually. you are the first to say that), one car driver tooted his horn and shouted out of the window "You've forgotten your car mate" (how funny and original) and then ....... nemesis time!!!

"The 'Greenwoods surplus stock' man and his wife at 12 o'clock - bandit alert!!". Crossing the road towards the Park were the couple from tyre-drag 2. They looked up and started to head away from me but suddenly .... they turned and brazenly started walking in my direction. Time to put the Gunfight at OK Corral in its place as second string tension and violence.

But hang on, they were smiling and said a hearty hello. They even asked how I was doing and we passed the time of day for a minute. Maybe they realised I was normal .... well 'ish' .... and perhaps they were part of a growing fan club on the day. "Oh it's okay. she took charge and they seem quite nice".

And so my dear reader the dragging was coming to a close. "End in sight. Two miles in two hours but tyres getting heavier. Ah I see, scooped-up (collected) soil, twigs and a small child on the way"

The small dot in the middle of the photo (base of the trees and just above the grassline is where the gates are) was only 10 minutes away and I certainly had my second wind. Must have been the beans from last night - sorry about that.

So that was it; my first ever two-miler and I might just see if I can add a single mile to the tally tomorrow but let's not get ahead of ourselves, and the VAT man would much rather have his quarterly return .... sadly.

So it's shower-time now (why DO I feel the need to share that information?!?!?!) and then picking up my youngest from work. Perhaps then a DVD followed by a long peaceful nights sleep. Ahh looking forward to bed already ('weary old git' clearly).

Until next time ...............................

A dose of reality

London – 11th May 2011; the House of Commons (HoC) terrace.

My recent blog entries have primarily been light-hearted. In fact some confused but supportive souls have even described them as humorous.

This one isn’t. Thought I’d warn you at the outset.

I will start though by thanking Sara Benson at MDC for allowing us the privilege – you are a star, a wonderful asset to MDC and above all else, a credit to yourself as a person. I’m richer for having met you and your enthusiasm is infectious.



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The reason I’m going to the North Pole Trek, doing all my tyre-dragging and nagging the crap out of people for donations, the reason I wrote cheques in the past, and the whole purpose of the Involve ethos to help people, all became very real last Wednesday when I was so very kindly invited to a Parliamentary reception by the Muscular Dystrophy Campaign.

The following descriptions drew a very sharp contrast in my mind once we'd met some unspeakably brave yet modest individuals. In fact writing it now does make some of the contrasts a little absurd.

So picture this; Lucia and I took the train down to London on Monday evening after work. We arrived at our lovely hotel (K West in Shepherds Bush) and our amazing room which could probably have doubled as a mini-conference hall - did I really book this room or is it a free upgrade from cattleshed to Palace?

Tuesday was hot and sunny and we had brunch in the sunshine at Covent Garden whilst watching the professional street performers, went on the London Eye, walked through St James Park to Buckingham Palace and then spent an hour sat in deckchairs in the park before strolling back to our hotel, changing and heading out to the theatre.

Back from the theatre, tired but thrilled after an exciting and well-earned day of rest, we were ready for our much-anticipated first-ever visit to the internal workings of the Houses of Parliament.

The next day we changed into suitable attire, decided to take a cab to the HoC and arrived at the defensive concrete walls and myriad of traffic-calming Police-guarded entrances.

After passing through security we entered a magnificent building, almost cathedral-like and were dutifully guided through lavish corridors, passed small dining rooms with cutlery, wine glasses, fine china plates and even chairs emblazoned with the HoC portcullis.

Canapes, fine tea and fresh coffees were being served and a variety of people were gathered from Professors, leading campaigners, politicians, charity executives, fundraisers and sufferers alike. Lots of polite applause for short witty ‘rah-rah’ speeches, a robust explanation of the piece of research they were launching to the cross-party group of Parliamentarians for neuro-muscular care and the wonderful Lord Waltham hosting the event; a sprightly sharp-minded host of 89 who would put most 60-year olds to shame.

All good, all lovely and with a few hectic campaigners darting here and there to suggest photo shots and whispered words of “We’ve got Margaret Beckett coming in here” and “Wish that Michael Winner would have his photograph taken somewhere other than outside our terrace” to add to the lighthearted melee.

In fact it's at this point that the excesses I've described in the paragraphs above sound, in retrospect, a little appalling - and were written to generate this stark contrast in my emotions. A key part of the visit was for us to understand a little more and to meet some wonderful people, and that we certainly did.

Christine from Bolton who works tirelessly as a result of her grandson having Duchenne; she gave me many words of wisdom not least on fundraising and is clearly passionate and focused. She told us of one couple who had a boy with Duchenne but before he was diagnosed they went on to have a further 2 boys. Now they know that all 3 are dying because early-pregnancy screening was unavailable.

Jane Field from the Midlands Muscle Group whose speech was truly succinct yet focused, passionate and deserving of every piece of applause she earned.

And then there was Aaron and Jon.

Aaron has Muscular Dystrophy; not the terminal variety but he has spent years in a wheelchair having tests to try to find out which of the 70 variants of MD he suffers from. Until that is diagnosed his future remains somewhat uncertain but he clearly enjoys life and his current carer, Linda, is trying to persuade him to get a Pug (it’s a dog, evidently).

I don’t like them but Aaron was so enthusiastic in his encouragement for Lucia to drag me round the shops I had no choice but to support Linda’s request that he buys one. Revenge is mine Aaron ha ha.

Jon has Duchenne. He knows his MD is terminal but continues to talk passionately about working life (his carer Jan – a friendly Slovakian who smiled broadly when he found out Lucia is a fellow Slovak – helps Jon to do his work) and although he doesn’t have the strength any more to lift his hand from the control on his wheelchair, his gentle grip was open and heartfelt.

Jon seemed to have a little difficulty breathing and talking; a symptom of his weakening muscles yet he was so enthusiastic about the research he is co-ordinating and about how his daily life is manageable with his 3 carers what will one day probably require 5 or 6.

At 30 years of age I assume Jon has possibly 5 more years before this terrible disease makes his lungs and heart too weak to work. I cannot imagine what he must deal with every single day of his life and I wish I had even a small piece of his amazing courage. I’m sure if I did I’d probably SWIM to the Pole.



And so we left the HoC and I have promised to keep in touch with them both (I emailed them as we travelled home; just hope my unknown email address doesn’t take my e-mail into a ‘trash’ folder). We also left knowing that we want to get in touch with some other people Lucia knows who have to deal with MS every day of their lives, because only then does it hit home, only then do the tears well in my eyes when I realise just how bloody lucky I am in life.

I will get to the Pole, my fingers may be blistered from typing letters rather than from frostbite, I will work so hard to get £100 000 raised for the charities I’m supporting and to be able to personally pay for the £25 000 cost of the trek if no corporate sponsors emerge.

In a bit of a Sir Bob Geldoff moment I’d ask you to now stop reading this blog and ask why on earth you CANNOT put your hand in your pocket and donate today? Yes it’s 50 weeks until I’m at the Pole which seems at long time away, yes you too have pressures in your life just as I have in mine with family, work, bills, mortgage, economic fears and the emotional issues our friends bring and take from our shoulders but can you truly say you cannot afford to make a donation right now?

It is not for me to tell you what to do, what to forego and what your priorities are but if you do feel some of the passion in my words, understand a little more about how far-removed we are from some of the pressures our fellow human beings have when we enjoy lifes luxuries and if you have that momentary surge of desire/guilt/passion/humility/humiliation (delete as you see fit) then please, right now, go to either of the following and be generous.

For one day you or one of your family just might benefit from such simple generosity. I hope none of us need to but I fear some of us might.


www.virginmoneygiving.com/GeoffMajorYorkshire or


www.virginmoneygiving.com/GeoffMajorNational


Thank you, from me, from those suffering and in need of our respect as well as our support. More from tyre-heaven and the 'Twitchers' over the weekend no doubt but, for now ..... pause and think.

2nd tyre-drag was 'different'

Hello to you on this wet cool Thursday evening.

I'm sat up on the mezzanine in my room reflecting on another 'adventure' in Rothwell Park and thought I'd share after people contacted me to say how much they enjoyed my misadventures the first time; thank you especially to Debbie and JuJu for laughing out loud, for Therese for feeling she had to share it on her Facebook page, and of course to the lovely Rosie and Annabel at Help for Heroes for re-tweeting the link to their 44 000 followers.

I decided earlier today that I'd definitely take the tyres out again tonight so despite the gentle pitter-patter of rain on the Velux I donned my Yorkshire Cancer Research t-shirt for tonights yomp across the Park. That and some swimming shorts (call me pessimistic about the weather, but on the bright side they were colour co-ordinated).

Despite me advertising on Twitter that I'd be there at 7:30pm today there was no evidence of the paparazzi lurking in the foliage, long-lenses trained on every strained muscle and no magazine editors, contracts in hand vying for an exclusive, outside the Park gates. There was the 'curtain twitcher' again but .... more of that later.

I'd learned my lesson about the slope in the park after the last time so I unloaded the tyres and manfully grabbed both, carrying them into the Park, laying them on top of each other and deftly lashing the B&Q rope so the tyres were secure.

I was so pleased with myself I smiled at a dog that had just entered the park. Happy (yet agitated) it jumped and dashed from side to side, looking at me and soon I found myself smiling at the owner as he too came round the corner.

His smile however quickly faded to displeasure; I wondered if it was because he thought I was some sort of danger to the public, with a thick red restraining jacket wrapped around me should my unseen guardian feel the need to drag me away from an unsuspecting victim, but no. Nope, his displeasure became vocal and I learned the dogs' name when he shouted "No Tragoe, no".

I looked down and, I kid you not, 'Tragoe' had cocked his leg and was peeing on one of the tyres !! 

All I could do was smile and crack some lame joke that "At least it was on the tyres and not me". Tragoe skipped away, clearly happy to have lightened his load and the man followed smiling, but somehow I doubt it was at my joke !

And so I set off, pulling my perfectly lashed tyres across the wet grass and feeling pretty good at the pace I'd started at. The smooth rubber on the edge of the tyres felt as is if was almost aqua-planing across the mid-length grass of the park and I knew this could be a fast time. The downside of course was that my trainers and socks were acting like sponges, soaking up the moisture from the damp grass and turning them into mobile puddles strapped to my feet.

As I walked across the park I made my way to the top edge, next to a suburban dual carriageway, in an attempt to attract as much passing interest as possible. After all if the local magazine (the Rothwell Record, a truly very impressive publication) features me again perhaps I'll become a regular tourist attraction. Sadly even though there were many more cars, vans and lorries than last time, only the Police car visibly slowed to take in the sight of a man apparently drowning stood up in the increasingly steady rain.

I did see one elderly couple walking towards me with a dog so I said a cheerful "Hi" but they too seemed to think I must be weird as they nodded reluctantly and the woman moved closer to the man, taking a comforting grip of his hand. At a massive 5ft 4inches tall he puffed out his chest and tried to look as commanding as possible in what appeared to be a 'Greenwoods clearance stock' showerproof jacket and a fairly poorly fitting toupee.

He nodded sternly but not offensively as they walked on, pretending to discuss perhaps a deep theological issue when in fact I'm sure I heard him say "Don't worry dear. I had it under control. I'd authorise the use of electrodes as shock therapy on people like that if I was Prime Minister"). I assumed they must be talking about someone else they'd met and almost volunteered a cheery note of support, but I hesitated and the moment was lost. Never seen old folks move so darn fast across a busy road !!

And so my trek continued apace but pretty much uneventful for the rest of the session. I kept checking for dog poop (which is surprisingly well camouflaged when the grass is wet and the soil is so much darker) but I'm delighted to say I think I steered clear of it all. Actually there was one 'pile' that was hard to miss visually; it was huge!!

Now either someone had taken a huge dog or a small horse for a walk in the park .... or maybe some poor Spaniel-size dog is on it's way to the vets for stitches as I type. Oh I'm wincing at the thought the poor thing but the image faded as I made the last few strides towards the park gates at which point ... well do you  remember the curtain twitchers from the beginning of this entry? I swear I saw the two of them now boldly gazing out of the window in some animated enthusiastic discussion.

I found myself imagining one of them stepping out of the house and shouting "Excuse me. I say, you there, excuse me". I would walk across the road and the man would say "Do you mind me asking when you next plan to be back in the park pulling those tyres? It's just we've told all our friends about you and they're keen to pop round to see for themselves; they don't have many nutters in Alwoodley. If you'd be so kind as to come back when the weather is good, we rather fancied having a BBQ too".

Or maybe that's just me hoping I've already caused a bit of a stir in the leafy green lanes around Rothwell Park. Oh well, maybe next time.


P.S. I completed my mile in 44 minutes tonight; not repeatable in the immediate future probably but it felt good to be out and about all the same.

Good news, bad news, some news

Hello hello, just popped on here for a quickie as the last 3 days have included some pretty impressive cardio sessions so time to rest now but thought you might like to know ........

a) Paul almost purely focused on my legs at the PT session on Saturday morning despite my text request (the $%^&*£) but that's okay because my leg muscles are now officialy dead 'ard so bring it. Hmm sounds pretty impressive huh? Wish it were true but I'm still a bit of a lightweight compared to what I will be like in April 2012.

Editors note: For those of you who followed my prep for the cross-Cuba cycle ride in November 2010 you may remember at one point I said I could crack walnuts with my butt-cheeks; well that was a little bit of poetic license but I thank Diana for letting me try it. Mind you, I still can't sit down straight 6 months on : (


b) Paul knew exactly what that muscle was called and why it ached so. I remember why it ached but not the name of it. Anyway it was completely fine an hour later; thanks for asking.


c) For those of you with cameras and prepared to brave the elements I intend to be out dragging tyres this Thursday evening and probably Saturday evening too so this note is to say papparazzi are welcome and I'm quite happy to give an exclusive to a high-paying magazine. Probably more of a Big Issue feature than 'OK Magazine' though but hey, I buy far more Big Issue magazines than I ever would 'OK' so guess at least I can read all about it


d) Okay time to rest; couple of telephone calls to make tomorrow about sponsorship queries and setting up a collection at a local supermarket or two, plus I'm told I can plaster posters up around my clients 4 key buildings in Manchester to advertise the Zinc Restaurant evening. Hoping that will raise £2000 towards the target - bit of a drop in the ocean but hey, it's a drop.

More activities to plan; goodness this is exhausting. Good night.